NEW! AUDIOBOOK NOW AVAILABLE!
SEE THE LINK BELOW.
DARWOON DYREEZ
a fictional memoir
Picture

In a tiny almost-ghost town at the edge of civilization, a colorful assortment of characters find ingenious and artful ways to adjust to the harsh desert climate and the absence of amenities. The narrator, a transplant from the big city, observes and adapts to the local customs, while trying to contribute innovations of her own. The improbable happenings in this community of misfits range from celebration to black humor to authentic tragedy, all narrated in an invented dialect that immerses the reader in the alternative reality of Darwoon.

A work of fiction, based on real events in a real place.

Order direct from Amazon.com.
Order the new Audible Audiobook from Amazon.com.
 Picture

PREVIEW OF DARWOON DYREEZ:
FAYKE BUROZ (Chapter 20 )
 
The dezzert alla roun Darwoon iz fulla wyld burroz er az the Nacheral Park Surviss prifurz ta kallem Ferrul Booroz meenin farmerly dumeztikaytid buroz that got ternt loost inna dezurt an proseedid ta reepradooce az mite be ixpektid uv enny animule. Boroz wuz uridginally brot tu Darwoon inna oald minning daze thay wurkd hard an survd az kumpanyinz tu mynerz hoo livd alla loan in lil shax owt inna dizert. Nowadaze booroz ar kornsiddurd a noosints by the awthoridiez distroy habbitatt er sew thay klame. Boroz wanner aroun inna dezzert outsida Darwoon cum intu toun mosly at nyte ta getta dranka wadder ware peeple puddit owt. Clompin throo toun inna midl uvva nite doggles barkin booroz brayyin clunkin aroun on thayre big hoofs maykin noyz lyk dronkz stomblin hoam ufter a nyte uv too mutch woopy.
 
Priddy mutch evabuddy in Darwoon luvz the wyld booroz eavin tho thay cawze a bitta trubble inna yurds eetin op gurdinz chumpin onna treaz maykin a muss leevin big pyleza poop inna strit. My sitty frens git reel ixsited wen thay cumta Darwoon git tu sea a reel wyld booro owt inna dezurt er trumpin aroun toun. Thay sturt bryngin me toy booroz seramick buroz a boal with a pitcher uvva booro inna boddom. My hous iz geddin fulla booro this n buro that. Fyne with mee I luv the boroz too.
 
One yeer wennit cumz tyme fer big Spryng Pardy it hapinz tu faul onna weak end uv Mai Fith so we desyde tu havva Maxikan Cinquo de Maio pardie az I hev toald. Onna invatayshun we tel evvabuddy bring yer booro.
Picture
My fren Ginny shoze op with a big plasder borro she bawt frumma Muxikan vander alungsyde uvva rode onna waye tu Darwoon she sez heerz a boro fer yoo. O I luvd that boro putt it in my yurd rot awagh nextu the beevertale cacktiss. Boro lukd reel nyse thayre peeple atta pardy poazed fer pitchers with the borro layin aroun inna yurd nextu big blumin caktis thayr aurm aroun borroz nuck warin sumbrayro maykin fonny Sinkoh de Mayoo pitcherz lyka that.
 
My fren Joyce brangz a liddle stuft booro vary kewt. Shee karreyz boora aroun at pardy awl wikend axes peeple tu pett the booro evabuddy sez wotta nyse buro so ferth. Then on Sondae eavning Joice rowndz op a boncha peeple inna middl uv Mane Strit hazzem awl hole hanz inna sirkle. Joise sez kis the boro gudbye. We passa roun lil stoffed borro kizzit onna nozzle wy duz shee wan us ta due this wee wunner.

Nex thyng we kno Joyse iz poarin Koalmin Fyool awl oaver the lil stuft booro setzit on fyr inna midl uvva strit. Ha ha evabuddy sez gud joak we watsch lil boro goa uppin flambes. Nex daye nuthin left uv booro but a plazdik lukkin dark spott onna pavmint.

Wel wen my nayber Lily the annimule luvver gitz wurda the booro bernin serramonie she gitz vury opset. Turribble thyng tu setta liddle annymule on fyr she sez not fonny at awl. Evabuddy skrutchin thayr hed wunnerin wotz rong with bern a stuft annamul notta reel live krittur she muss be nutz. Wel thatz Lilly wot kin yoo doo.
 
Meenwile my big pluster booro corntinyuze ta liv inna frunt yurd nextu the kacktis plunt anna big ornamendle rok. Paynt gitz a lil faydid so I tetch it op with my ortistick uckrillick pants loox nyse an brite agin. Then one murning I cum outin yurd an thayrez the booro awl nocked oaver onnits syde. O no Ima thynk pore boro. I goa oaver an sea itz got one uv itz eerz broak oof two leggz broak. I looka roun sea sum trax uv reel booro rite nex tu felldoun bursted op booro. Lukz lyk sum buroz bin clompin rite nextu ploster borro. Musta nokt im oaver by mustayk. Ime neerly in teerz thunkin bout how pore fayke buro got injerd by reel borro. I tayk alla broakin plaztur buro partz upp onna portch gloo bak the bursted eer an leggz with Upoxey Simment an put booro bakkin yurd nextu beevertale cacktiss oncet agan. Glood on partz doant luk too bad yoo kin hurdly sea the crax.
Picture
Evathyng goze priddy gud fer the pluster buro fer kuppla yeerz. I due a lil repanting frum tyme tu tyme ta briten op the kullerz ware paynt warez oof frum rane er snoo.

One daye I goa owt inna yurd ta fead the berdz an thayrez the pluster booro layin doun onnits syde agan but now itz reely bursted op. Itz broak in haff aroun the bally the bak legz ar on one pees frunt legz an hedd onna uther. Thayrez trax uv reel booro er booroz alla roun broakin pluzter boro but thissa tyme fer shore the trax luk awl voylint reerin stumpin lyk ackshully attakkin the plazder buro. Wy wud a reel boro wanna tack a innasint pluster boro Ima wunner.
 
Seamz sorda hoapliss tu fixxop liddle boro ennymoar but my noo boifren Silas sudgests howbout youze sum plarstik fome frum kan so I gedda kanna fome an we skwoosh fome intu burstid op haffs uvva booro stik the peesiz tagither reel fasst putton duck taype tu hoald it in playse an wate fer fome tu sed op. Uh oh ternz owt the fome ixpanz a hole lott moar n we ixpektid. Booro hazza bigg poof uv fome stikkin outa itz bally crak lookz priddy badd. Silas kumferts me wile I kry a liddle so mutch fer ploster booro inna yurd I figger. Bsidez reel bureauz wil corntinyoo tu attak plostar booro if I puddit bak inna yurd. Wot tu due.
 
Then Ima thynk aha put buro inna winnow uv Skool Howse nextu statchue uv Spainitch Cornkwistadoor famos statyoo toorists tayka pitchers uv im alla tyme. Wen yoo luk inna winnow yoo kant reely sea big poofy fome belt aroun midl uv burstid op booro it lukz priddy noarmul lyk liddle kumpanyin uv ole Konqwestidoor.
 
Now plazder buro wil bee toorist atraxion be famus onna Farce Book an Googoyle Urth.
HAVING TROUBLE READING THIS STORY?  Try sounding out the words. The stories of Darwoon are an oral literature, and they are recorded (more or less) phonetically.

For a quick start on reading Darwoonish, listen to a narration, complete with slide show and original music, on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNTYFArBS_s